Ten Reasons Your Church Is Not Growing

I actually saw this title on a Facebook post from a pragmatic church ministry site.  I thought I would have some fun with this and try to come up with ten reasons your church is not growing from their point of view.  Mind you this is satire so please don’t take me serious here.  Just laugh with me at how sad the pragmatism is in most modern-day church growth sites.  So here we go….

1.  You actually use the Bible.

2.  You actually pray (and probably still read the Bible).

3.  You mention Jesus or Christ is something like that way too much.

4.  You teach docterines or whatever it is.

5.  You never mention “sex” much in your “talks.”

6.  You don’t wear skinny jeans (see this).

7.  You actually teach your Bible text (there is that Bible again).

8.  You don’t have “worship” (which means singing) with smoke.

9.  You “worship” using songs that have docterines in them.

10.  You call people “sinners” instead of “unchurched” and you tell them (for whatever reason) that they are enemies of God apart from faith (which is?) in Christ (who is?).